Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Almost Died Last Night



I am allergic to Yellow Jackets.  As in anaphylactic shock allergic.  I discovered this a few years ago.  They had to cut my leg wide open in the ER to get the stingers out.  To get my body to stop reacting.  So I could breathe.



I hate being allergic to Yellow Jackets.  I hate being unable to do something because I am afraid.

I mow my own grass.  I weed my own beds.  Nothing exceptionally risky.  I haven't decided to take up bee handling.  Or Yellow Jacket handling.  I just want to have a yard that looks nice. 

Is that asking too much? 

Yesterday evening I rushed home to mow the grass.  The two front beds have gotten a bit out of control, so I began weeding.  I realized that the 2 piles of weeds were too large to simply mow over, so I started around the side of the house to get the garbage can. 

And that's when I heard it.  This awful, nasty, creepy, mean, sinful, devilish buzzing.  I do believe a Yellow Jacket has a different buzz.  One that is unlike a bee or a wasp.  It's as if Yellow Jackets have a chip on their shoulders (wings?), and are mad at the world.  And last night, "the world" was me.  And the little _____er stung me.  And then he attached himself to my shorts.  And that is t-r-o-u-b-l-e for this girl. 

And so, I did what anyone in my position would do.  I ripped off my shorts.  In broad daylight.  In my driveway.  And do you know what?  I didn't even care.  (it had nothing to do with the fact that i was wearing my cute new lacy underwear from victoria's secret.  i would have done it regardless. but...at least the neighbors think i have pretty underwear!)  I also screamed bloody murder, which drew quite a crowd. 

My neighbors know about my allergy.  They had some idea of what had happened when they saw huge piles of weeds in the front yard, a pair of these sticking up out of the grass:



It was determined that my Epi Pen, although expired, would still be a good idea. 



And so I jammed it into my thigh, and hoped for the best.  And then I found two cans of this:


And I marched around the house telling myself that I was going to KILL THEM ALL!  I was a little bit crazy pants, but understandable....No? 

I should also mention that I ate a handful of Benadryl.  I couldn't breathe, and I wasn't sure if I needed to have a neighbor take me to the hospital.  It was determined that I was probably just working myself up to the point that I couldn't breathe, and that one Yellow Jacket sting probably wasn't causing the throat tightening I was convinced I was experiencing. 

I took the Benadryl just to be safe.

Louis, bless his little heart, kept ringing his bell to tell me that he had to potty.  But I couldn't go outside.  I even tried the basement door downstairs.  And guess what?  THERE WAS A YELLOW JACKET'S NEXT IN THE DOOR JAM ON THE OUTSIDE!   Are you freaking kidding me? 

The Yellow Jacket that stung me apparently sent out a memo to the other _____ers.  And they were all swarming madly around my front door and my side door.  I was pacing.  Louis was crossing his legs.  I didn't know what to do. 

And then I figured that since I had given myself the shot, I could probably make a run for it and be okay.  Even if I was stung again.  And Louis had to peep.  And so....

I picked up Louis and charged out the front door.

TEN said he would kill the Yellow Jackets with the Magic Potion (aka yellow jacket foam killer such and such).  I told him that I wanted to do it.  I NEEDED to do it. 

And so, when the sun went down, I did it.  I foamed them to death. 

(this is pretty much how i looked last night when i took my revenge)

I found a few holes in the ground and foamed them to death too.  I did not, however, do anything in the front beds.  I'm going to leave that to TEN.  I may have been mad as hell, but I don't have a death wish.

And so, my loves, that is the story of how I almost died last night.  But, instead I look a bit like this:


Does anyone know why Yellow Jackets exist?  I know bees pollinate flowers and vegetables.  But what do Yellow Jackets do? Other than sting me, of course.  I really would like to know.

T

20 comments:

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

ahhhhh. I am allergic to bees but haven’t been stung since I was a kid. I do have an epi pen but have never had to use it on myself and I can’t believe you gave it to yourself and then just went about your bee killing business! ha. I got stung by something last year at a fair and I thought it was a bee and I thought I was having trouble breathing, etc. and went to the fair first aid tent …where I stayed for hours just “knowing” I was going to have some serious reaction… come to find out- i was just panicking and I was actually fine. Ha And, I may have outgrown the allergy.

Annie said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that for you! I can just see you running all over the place and killing those suckers! Glad you're okay!

Bethany said...

Oh my goodness. That is so scary. Hope you're feeling better. xoxo

Jess said...

I'm so glad you're ok!! I have to say - no one could tell this story quite like you. I was worried for you and laughing my head off, all at the same time!

suburban prep said...

Oh my I do hope you are better.\

One of my brother's is allergic to bees as well.

MCW said...

Crap. That sucks. Whats up with the two of us getting stung lately???

Ann said...

OMG how horrible. I'm not allergic to them but I can understand you freaking out since my ex was and he used to when one got near him. Glad you're ok

Laurie of Lulu and Daisy said...

OMG...bless your heart! You are having a helluva week for it to only be Wednesday. Hope you are on the mend. I'm allergic to cats like that, but it's a little easier to control. Get well soon!

REBrown said...

This is really scary! Louis should feel lucky that he has such a dedicated mom to take him to do his business even in the line of fire!

Katie, Julep and Derby's Mom said...

Wow - what a story! It leaves me speechless!!!

I have to add another question to your question as to why yellow jackets are on this earth - and just why are ticks of any kind on this earth!

Bee (hahahaha!) well, my friend!
Katie from
www.westiejulep.blogspot.com

Coastalpines said...

Jesus!!So glad you are ok....scary stuff...

I do enjoy your dramatic flair though ;-)

Bronwen said...

OH NO! Glad you are OK. My dad gets the same thing with bee stings... I know how scary that can be, believe me!

Bink said...

Ohmahgosh! You had me rolling with laughter and scared to death at the same time! So glad that you are okay.... and that you had one your pretty undies.

I love the revenge pose. I've so been there. I'm the same as you except with bees and jellyfish. It's why MB has to carry me in the ocean and then let me cling onto him. I'd much rather stay on the beach. Or be at the lake.

Charleston Girl said...

Oh my gosh! You poor thing. :( Glad you're ok though... and glad you have awesome neighbors who know you and know about your allergy. I don't think my neighbors would even look out their windows if I was screaming. Lol...

Well, it was a scary event, that made for a hilarious blog post!

Jenny DB said...

That is sooo scary I am glad you are okay! Is your sting SUPER swollen? Also do you have the same reaction to bee stings? I read a story recently about a woman who lost her 4 PRIZED rottweilers to those "Killer" bees in arizona. Can you imagine? All within about 20 mins. Good for you for taking care of the problem though... I bet that felt good. Also, louis rings a bell to potty? precious! :-) does he ever abuse it.. like pretend he has to potty and actually just wants to play? i know bondi/homie would probably do that ha

Deviled Megs said...

OMG that is scary!!! Glad you are okay!

The Bee Charmer said...

Poor baby! Call exterminators and have them come spray.

Hoke said...

you need to call in the big dogs and get those suckers out of your yard!!! Sorry you had to go through that ordeal!!

Liz said...

oh my goshhh!!!! you poor thing! that is such a crazy story! hope you're feeling better now!

sweethomeamy.com said...

Oh my gosh! How crazy!! Hope you are ok now, and hope Ten was able to get rid of those buggers!!