I am allergic to Yellow Jackets. As in anaphylactic shock allergic. I discovered this a few years ago. They had to cut my leg wide open in the ER to get the stingers out. To get my body to stop reacting. So I could breathe.
I hate being allergic to Yellow Jackets. I hate being unable to do something because I am afraid.
I mow my own grass. I weed my own beds. Nothing exceptionally risky. I haven't decided to take up bee handling. Or Yellow Jacket handling. I just want to have a yard that looks nice.
Is that asking too much?
Yesterday evening I rushed home to mow the grass. The two front beds have gotten a bit out of control, so I began weeding. I realized that the 2 piles of weeds were too large to simply mow over, so I started around the side of the house to get the garbage can.
And that's when I heard it. This awful, nasty, creepy, mean, sinful, devilish buzzing. I do believe a Yellow Jacket has a different buzz. One that is unlike a bee or a wasp. It's as if Yellow Jackets have a chip on their shoulders (wings?), and are mad at the world. And last night, "the world" was me. And the little _____er stung me. And then he attached himself to my shorts. And that is t-r-o-u-b-l-e for this girl.
And so, I did what anyone in my position would do. I ripped off my shorts. In broad daylight. In my driveway. And do you know what? I didn't even care. (it had nothing to do with the fact that i was wearing my cute new lacy underwear from victoria's secret. i would have done it regardless. but...at least the neighbors think i have pretty underwear!) I also screamed bloody murder, which drew quite a crowd.
My neighbors know about my allergy. They had some idea of what had happened when they saw huge piles of weeds in the front yard, a pair of these sticking up out of the grass:
It was determined that my Epi Pen, although expired, would still be a good idea.
And so I jammed it into my thigh, and hoped for the best. And then I found two cans of this:
And I marched around the house telling myself that I was going to KILL THEM ALL! I was a little bit crazy pants, but understandable....No?
I should also mention that I ate a handful of Benadryl. I couldn't breathe, and I wasn't sure if I needed to have a neighbor take me to the hospital. It was determined that I was probably just working myself up to the point that I couldn't breathe, and that one Yellow Jacket sting probably wasn't causing the throat tightening I was convinced I was experiencing.
I took the Benadryl just to be safe.
Louis, bless his little heart, kept ringing his bell to tell me that he had to potty. But I couldn't go outside. I even tried the basement door downstairs. And guess what? THERE WAS A YELLOW JACKET'S NEXT IN THE DOOR JAM ON THE OUTSIDE! Are you freaking kidding me?
The Yellow Jacket that stung me apparently sent out a memo to the other _____ers. And they were all swarming madly around my front door and my side door. I was pacing. Louis was crossing his legs. I didn't know what to do.
And then I figured that since I had given myself the shot, I could probably make a run for it and be okay. Even if I was stung again. And Louis had to peep. And so....
I picked up Louis and charged out the front door.
TEN said he would kill the Yellow Jackets with the Magic Potion (aka yellow jacket foam killer such and such). I told him that I wanted to do it. I NEEDED to do it.
And so, when the sun went down, I did it. I foamed them to death.
(this is pretty much how i looked last night when i took my revenge)
I found a few holes in the ground and foamed them to death too. I did not, however, do anything in the front beds. I'm going to leave that to TEN. I may have been mad as hell, but I don't have a death wish.
And so, my loves, that is the story of how I almost died last night. But, instead I look a bit like this:
Does anyone know why Yellow Jackets exist? I know bees pollinate flowers and vegetables. But what do Yellow Jackets do? Other than sting me, of course. I really would like to know.