Friday, February 27, 2009
"i am divorced, i am tired of all those women out there that think they are gods gift to men. i like eating at applebees,red lobster, going out to a bar ever now and then. always wanted to go to aruba. or australia"
Seriously? Someone please shoot me if this is what is out there for this single girl. Scratch that...don't shoot me. Shoot him.
Of course I had to go all the way back to the beginning to get to know ms. mindless, and I'm only now to January 2009. So, all of my "free time" at work (wink, wink) has been filled up reading her blog, rather than blogging on my blog. Tisk. Tisk. I've now gone and gotten MK addicted to ms. mindless' blog and we both keep giggling and think she is 100% fabulous. So, once I get caught up on her life, I will get right back to my life. Pinky swear :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I wish there was a kick function on Match.com.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Didn't these jokers watch School House Rock? That's where I learned all of my punctuation skills. It's really easy too. There is a song for every skill you learn. I wonder if it's still on TV? I'm thinking that if it is, they should start playing it at 6pm rather than the news. Punctuation is obviously more important that what they show at 6pm anyway!
Okay, back to Mr. Grammar....HE wants to be swept off HIS feet? HE wants to be whisked off to a foreign land? Seriously? This guy needs to invest in a good Harlequin Romance and call it a day. My guess is that passport isn't going to be getting much use anytime soon. I also have no desire to end up with Davy Crockett in the woods, so this isn't going to work anyway. Take a deep breath my friends, and read on:
"i need a woman that can love me for so that we can be together forever i like romantic things, as well as camping and having fun cuddling up to a nice movie, maybe going for a picnic or a nice drive somewhere to the beach or the mountains i would really enjoy living in the woods or having a cabin somewhere i just want to relax and take it easy and get a way from it all if its one thing in life i have learned and that is money isnt everything its always the simple ones that can take something and turn it into something beautiful although we all know money helps well if you would like to ask questions thats what i am here for i want to meet a woman that can sweep me off my feet, a lady to run away with, maybe to a foreign land i have my passport "
The good news is that I'm also matched up with a good one! MK and I believe he is a doctor. He lives about an hour away, and just moved back to the area. He's uber cute, but a little on the short side. I winked at him anyway. Oh yes I did! I winked. It was rather exhilarating, thanks for asking :) I still haven't winked at young boy from yesterday, but I might.
I'll keep you posted. hahahahah...get it? Posted! (told you i'm still sick. bare with me.)
Monday, February 23, 2009
I enjoy clubbing and dancing
I would take her ot to a nice place to eat and then to the club for drinks and dancing"
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Which brings me to a question I have. Why do I always get so freaking excited when my friends get engaged? Why am I so happy for them that my stomach flips? Why don't I think "hey T, another one got a ring...and guess what...it's not you!"? It's weird really. I love weddings. I love planning engagement parties and bridal showers. I just don't really think much about my own. A friend pointed out a while ago that she doesn't really think I want to settle down and get married and all that. Maybe she's right? I can't completely disagree with her. I do know one thing. I don't want to wake up one day and be 60 and alone. However, I'm not so sure that's a good reason to get married.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Does anyone have any idea what the "subscribe to updates" function does? I found it as a "gadget" and added it to my blog (look to the right) because I was under the impression that if you signed up for it you would be notified when I added a new post. Apparently that isn't the case? Is there a way to have that happen? Or, do I just not understand what I've added to my blog?
I'm going to amend Liz H. Kelly's rule to say that if at the end of the first date I don't want to vomit at the thought of kissing him then we are okay. How does that sound? I think it sounds quite smashing, considering I've yet to experience that with my Match.com dates :)
Let's go back for a minute and look at my GUT reactions to each of the dates I've been on:
1. Romeo - I suspect he could be Ted Bundy. I can't imagine kissing him.
Well then. Of to a great start aren't we? Never fear. Liz H. Kelly has told me that my problem is that I'm not looking for "showstoppers". Showstoppers are things that people do or say that immediately cause you to say "goodbye". She says that I need to be alert to these, and that I should NEVER question my GUT when it proclaims that a showstopper has occurred. Hmmm....sounds familiar. Pretty much what the voice of reason told me. Okay. I like this.
Just one question. I've gone through 6 dates already (okay, okay...5...The Earl doesn't count) and I've yet to like any of them. I do live in Smalltown, VA after all. What if I run out of dates before my GUT give me the go ahead? Yikes!
I've never been a dater, per se. I explained earlier that my previous relationship MO is that I simply like a guy, he likes me back and we become boyfriend/girlfriend. There really hasn't been a lot of effort involved. We never went on dates to assess our compatibility or anything. We just hung out in a group of friends for a while and decided we liked each other. This is where I'm somewhat handicapped in the dating arena. I'm pretty much scared to death. If you have been keeping up with this blog you probably already know that. You have probably noticed that I seem to question ever single move I make. Even if I don't like someone at all, I continue to go out with them. I have been trying to adhere to this 3-strike rule I've been given because I don't seem to trust myself. I've gone completely bananas.
The voice of reason read my blog and e-mailed me with her thoughts. This voice of reason is someone I like a lot, and truly respect. She has been there people. I mean really BEEN THERE. She's done what I'm doing. She's dated. She's said goodbye to men she met for the simple fact that she really wasn't feeling a connection. Some of them were good guys. Just not for her. She didn't force herself to stick to a 3-strike rule, and she says I really need to learn to trust myself. She said all of this very kindly, and even shared with me some of her experiences. It meant a lot to me. What means the most is the knowledge that she has finally found her Mr. Right. She hung in there and found him. She didn't even have to go out with him 4 times to realize they were a good match. She knew the first time she met him that she like him.
I'm going to make a promise here tonight. I'm going to promise you (and most importantly myself) that from here on out I'm going to trust my instincts. I am no longer that broken girl who ended things with Mr. Right because I wasn't ready for him yet. I know that, and I'm going to trust my knowledge of that.
Thank you voice of reason. Thank you for being the light at the end of my tunnel. Thank you for reminding me that I really can trust myself. I'm truly grateful.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
There is a new potential who has winked at me. Let's go read his profile! Okay, there are a few problems here. First, no photo. Second...well...see for yourself. (ps. i'm posting all of his real information because i'm pretty sure he's cheating on his wife. if he isn't, he still deserves it.)
Smalltown, Virginia, United States
seeking women 18-35
within 50 miles of Smalltown, Virginia, United States
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: Yes, and sometimes they live at home (1)
Want kids: Not sure
Ethnicity: Native American, White / Caucasian
Body type: Athletic and toned
Height: 5'11" (180cms)
Religion: No Answer
Smoke: No Way
Drink: No Answer
The man of your dreams with no attachments is J Godknight. I seeek mutual time shared and pleasure. Nothing long term. I will not come home to meet your parents. I will however leave you wanting more.
I think it's safe to say we will be deleting Mr. Godknight from the potential list.
Looking for a golfing partner!!!
Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: None
Want kids: Someday (2)
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: Athletic and toned
Height: 6'3" (190cms)
Religion: Christian / Other
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two
I'm just looking to see what women are out there. I like to workout and I play a variety of sports. I love to do things that get the adrenalin going. I'm the type of guy that likes to have fun date out or have a relaxing evening at the house. I'm looking for an intelligent and ambitious woman. Looks are important (that initial attraction) but they aren't everything. A plus would be a woman that works out and likes sports.
His picture is okay. You never call tell 100% from these pictures really, so I'm going to give him the okay. I don't like to work out or play sports, but that's okay. He's 32. Oh look! He's e-mailed me. Let's see what he says:
I tried IMing you and could not get you so I'm emailing you. I would like to chat and learn more about you. Maybe we can do that soon. I hope you are having a good day. Bye for now.
I don't hang out on Match.com, so the IMing function doesn't generally work for me. That's okay. I will e-mail him back to say hello. He lives a little over an hour away from me, but that's not a problem.
I am looking for that one lady out there that wants to be treated like like a queen, but wont let it go to her head...
Have kids: Yes, and sometimes they live at home (3)
Want kids: Not sure
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: About average
Height: 6'2" (187cms)
Smoke: No Way
Drink: Social drinker, maybe one or two
Hmmm....does he really think there is only ONE woman out there that wants to be treated like a queen and won't let it go to her head? I don't think so. Also, he's Jewish. Not that I have a problem with Jewish people at all, but I don't see myself converting any time soon. Is that important to him? He has left the "religion" section blank on what he is looking for. Perhaps it doesn't matter to him? I've clearly marked myself as Christian: Episcopalian.
We have e-mailed once before. Just the regular hello and such. He's sent me another message, let's see:
No worries. How was the ball? I have a friend that went. It was a warm weekend. The hike was fun. I always end up going to fast when I am by myself. This coming weekend is my weekend with my kids. I am free next weekend though if you end up with any free time then. If you ever get a wed or thu night free, I bartend at a little restaurant in SuperSmalltown, VA. The food is good, and the people are cool when it is busy. I hope that your week is going well! ttyl
Okay, so I can drive an hour to see him at his bar tending job. Looks like that is the option he is presenting me with. Am I reading this correctly? He's self employed, so perhaps he just likes the bar tending gig twice a week because it's fun? I'm not sure about this one. What is this "ttyl" thing? Does it mean "Talk To You Later"? I know he has 3 children (uggh!), so perhaps he's picked up this text messaging lingo from them? It's bound to happen. We won't judge him too harshly.
I'm not sure about this. I could always grab my fabulous single girlfriend Daisy and drive down for a drink. I'm sure she would sign up to be my partner in crime! But, do I want to? Is Match #3 a potential for this girl?
What do YOU think?
The best part of the night took place while playing Cranium (guys vs. girls). The guys were given a question about falafuls. Something about their main ingredient being chickpeas. One of the guys (while sipping a glass of very nice red wine and looking oh so intellectual) states "Chickpeas do not exist. Therefore, the answer is false." Silence. Was he serious? Did he really not think chickpeas existed? We stared at him. He was serious. Completely. We all burst out laughing, and one of the other guys said "we suck at this game and are never going to win". It was priceless.
I realized something very important last night. I do want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I really do. But, if I don't....I will be okay. My friends will always be there to laugh with me, and I will always have a place to sleep if I run out of oil for the furnace again:)
P.S. TWW...chickpeas really do exist :)
I decided to go to the Urban Dictionary to decipher this "boo" he keeps calling me. Get ready people. It's bad.
1. my boo - Your boyfriend/girlfriend. "Dat's my boo your messin' wit!"
Let me state at this point that I have NEVER been anyone's boo. I may have been their girlfriend, but I will not EVER be called someone's boo. Not even as a joke. How tacky. AND...that he feels like he can call me anything resembling a girlfriend after 2 dates? Eeeeewwwww I want to vomit. (really, I did want to vomit. remember I've had 8 Flirtinis!)
After two bites of my ham & cheese omelet at IHOP I am ready to leave. I'm not apologetic in the least. I just say "I want to go now". We go. He drops me off and I run for the door. I shout over my shoulder "thanks so much, drive safely". I lock the door. I want to scream. Instead I jump in the bed, pull the covers over my head and pray this was all a very bad dream.
I never want to hear the word "boo" again unless it's Halloween.
****Side note...he has said cool beans about 50 times since I met him. I think the last time I said cool beans I was in the 8th grade. As an adult I have now replaced that saying with;
2. Sounds good
4. Yay! (if I'm really excited)
I'm trying here people, so I just go with it and don't say anything. I do have to admit that every time he says it I cringe, but if this moves forward I will just have to tell him to stop saying that. It's not the end of the world..
******end side note.
When I come downstairs he is wearing dark jeans, loafers, plaid oxford, camel hair coat. CHECK. He's has gotten a beer from the fridge and is sitting at the kitchen table. CHECK. He says I look great and he likes my shoes. CHECK. So far so good.
We arrive at the bachelor/bachelorette auction and there are a bunch of my friends hovering around the entrance where you buy bidding paddles and such. Introductions Round 1. No no one cringes. He's friendly. This is going to be an okay night.
We enter the event and immediately I see one of my favorite couples. They actually met on Match.com too and just got engaged, so I'm thinking this is a good sign! Introductions Round 2 and male part of couple and Guitar Hero strike up a great conversation. In the meantime I'm in "my crowd" so everyone is coming up saying "hi T! let's take pictures. who is this guy? introduce me?". We go through all the intros and all is still going well. A guy friend of mine says "want a drink? and hands me his Flirtini". I'm feeling pretty okay.
I'm taking pictures for the event so that we can put them on our fundraising website. I'm all over the place. Guitar Hero has been warned about this, and is perfectly happy to watch my purse and cocktail while I flit around the event taking pictures. I get some feedback from friends along the way saying he's nice, probably not the guy for me, but they don't think he's terrible or anything.
Fast forward to the end of the night...I've proceeded to consume 8 Flirtinis. Not at all my norm and I'm way tipsy. We all decide to move to the next bar. I last about 5 minutes and Guitar Hero and I decide we are famished. He suggests IHOP for late night dining. (Remember we are in Smalltown, VA...no cute all night diners to be found. IHOP is completely acceptable in this situation.)
Friday, February 6, 2009
1. I am not alone on my quest to find Mr. Right
2. I am not the only girl with a lot going for her that keeps failing at relationships
My girlfriend, Drinks Well With Others, is beautiful. Inside and outside. Guys love her. They want to meet her, dance with her, date her. So, what's the problem? She doesn't like them. No, no...she doesn't like women, she just doesn't like any of the men that like her.
Drinks Well With Others, like me, tends to find the men who are perfect for us when we are out of town. We click with these men immediately! We can't get enough of them!
Here's the question....are we setting ourselves up? If the same exact guy lived in Smalltown, VA would we like him just as much? Or...is it possible that we allow ourselves to fall for these guys because we already know there is no possible way it will work? Thoughts?
I think it's really sweet when you are in a serious relationship and you are away from each other for a long time and get excited to see each other again. An "8 hours!" text might be appropriate to send while you are in the car thinking "I haven't seen my beloved in weeks and I get to hold him/her in my arms again in 8 hours. Yay". It is, however, not at all appropriate when you went out with someone on a first date 3 days ago.
Pray for me tonight friends.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Guys: 10 First-Date Fumbles
Want to increase your chances of getting to date #2? Don't make the mistakes THESE guys did…
Last month my friend Paul met an interesting woman, asked her to dinner, and thought it went superbly — until she turned him down for a second date. He couldn't understand it: Hadn't she been charmed by his "funny" stories about his ex? Uh-oh, I thought. He was Annoying First Date Guy, but didn't know it. It happens at coffee houses, bars and restaurants every day: A guy with good intentions blows that crucial first date and has no idea why. Want to get clued in? Here are 10 common pitfalls:
1. Going on a rant about a former significant other. No good can come from talking about an ex-girlfriend on a first date. Saying something positive about an ex is threatening, and saying something negative is just plain annoying. My friend Leslie agrees: "My favorite annoying first date is the guy who spent the entire time describing in detail how nasty his ex was," she said. "By the end of the date, he had pointed out the restaurant where she threw a drink at him and the street corner where she screamed at him about his lack of sexual prowess." The first date is about the two of you getting to know each other. Bringing the ex into the conversation makes it seem like three's a crowd.
2. Divulging too much personal information that's not flattering. Take a hint from comedian Chris Rock, whose dating advice goes something like this: When you first meet someone, you're not you. You're the ambassador of you. In other words, this is not the time for full disclosure. I went on a first date with a guy who told me that he takes antidepressants, that he tends to be a slob, and that his family doesn't get along. "I'd really like to see you again," he said, "but I think I should be upfront about who I am from the beginning." Even worse are guys who reveal unflattering personal information without even realizing that the information isn't flattering. "My dog is my life," a guy told my friend Sherene on their first date. "I've had the dog since I was a kid," he added shamelessly. "I live with my parents." The information was bad, but the fact that he had no idea it was bad made it horrifying. Remember: This is a date, not a therapy session.
3. Making the date feel like a job interview. Let's face it: A first date is a job interview (for the position of significant other). But if a woman is going to put on a cute outfit and blow-dry her hair for you, try not to make her feel like she's in the room with the head of human resources. She'd rather have a casual conversation than be subjected to obvious probes like, "How long has it been since your last relationship?" Just as bad are guys who try to suss out key information by dropping calculating questions into the conversation. My friend Sara found it particularly irritating when a guy tried to figure out her age by asking her opinion of the 1972 Olympics and then saying, "Oh, but you couldn't possibly remember that" in a questioning tone.
4. Having too much attitude.Laurie, a single woman in New York, was asked on a first date what TV shows she watches. When her date learned that she didn't like the show Seinfeld, he didn't believe her. Then he wouldn't let it go for the entire meal. "He just couldn't fathom my not liking that show," Laurie explained. "It was as if I'd just said, 'Yes, I live my life without consuming any liquids.'" Guys, if you want a second dinner, don't spend the first one trying to convince your date that she's not normal.
5. Admiring other women.Most guys know better than to stare at other women while on a first date. But it's just as exasperating if your date asks you what you thought of the latest blockbuster hit, and your response is to go on a tear about how beautiful Angelina Jolie's lips are. If you think the woman sitting across from you is ever going to be secure enough to kiss you after that, think again.
6. Complaining about the venue.Don't ask your date to "pick any place you want to go," only to whine about it once you're there. That happened to Liz, who chose a place with a lunchtime tasting menu. Not only did the guy grumble, but "he proceeded to tell me that he had had a big breakfast and wondered who could eat a three-course lunch," she said. "I told him, 'I could' and pointed to myself and then to every other diner in the restaurant."
7. Arguing with your date.It's one thing to talk about current events if there's a lull in the conversation. But it's quite another to ask your date's opinion on anything from the Middle East to the election and then get into an argument with her, no matter what she says. That happened to 29-year-old Melissa when she and her date got into it about public versus private schools. "I was annoyed that he fought me on so many things — especially on our first date," she said.
8. Eating your date's dessert.Unless you're at a Chinese restaurant, there's a reason you each have your own plate. Just because a woman might eat more slowly doesn't give you license to take a bite of a virtual stranger's meal. Or, in Liz's case, her date didn't even wait until she'd taken a bite herself. "When my dessert arrived," she said, "my date reached across the table and, with his fork, speared my gateau au chocolat. Talk about annoying."
9. Not walking her to safety at the end of the date.Almost as off-putting as the overzealous guy who goes in for a kiss too aggressively is the guy who leaves his date standing there on the street at night instead of walking her to the safety of her car or a cab. This irked my pal Julia. "True, we were going in two different directions — but hello? Take care of the girl first!" she said. "Stuff like that usually points to bigger problems!"
10. Saying "I'll be in touch" after the date goes badly.Your date knows that the evening went badly, and you know she knows it, so why say that you'll call when it's obvious you won't? "I'd like him to say, 'Good to meet you, take care,'" said Monica, who feels that you can still be nice without being annoying (or making a woman sit by the phone). My friend, Paul, by the way, heeded this advice on a recent date. No rants about his ex-girlfriend, no "I'll be in touch" at the end of a lackluster dinner. Of course, this was a complete turn-on to his date, who thought he was a great catch and has since set him up with a friend of hers. He promises to save his "funny" stories for, oh, at least their second date.
Lori Gottlieb is the author of Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self. Her most recent book is I Love You, Nice To Meet You. For the female perspective, read Ladies: Worst First-Date Moves.
Did she cover everything? Leave out something terrible that you have experienced? Let me know:)
For those of you that know me well you know what I'm talking about. I'm not saying I can't be catty and snippy sometimes, but I NEVER want to hurt someones feelings. When that has ever happened I swear I think I'm more upset than they are. This is how I see myself:
1. A good listener who tries her best to give sound advice
2. A mediator when friends or family are arguing
3. Someone that my friends and family can ALWAYS depend on to support them
4. A person who cannot stand it when people she loves aren't getting along
5. Someone that WILL NOT TOLERATE betrayal because she gives far too much to deserve that
All in all I think I'm pretty okay. I know that people reading this that don't know me so well (I hear this blog has been passed around to some of those people) might not agree, but you don't know me. Really. I'm a nice and caring person who has put herself out there to hopefully find someone to spend the rest of her life with. It's terrifying and funny and sad and irritating sometimes, but I truly believe HE IS WORTH IT. (when I get around to finding him, that is :)
The purpose of this blog is to keep my good friends updated and to keep myself from crying. Because really, with what you have read wouldn't you want to cry? No worries though! I am an eternal optimist and I WILL NOT GIVE UP HOPE!
WARNING! SUPER LONG POST AHEAD. BLECH. I KNOW. SORRY!
Finally! Guitar Hero and I make a date that works for both of us. How exciting:) There's some background here that I need to fill you in on, so sit back and get comfy because it's apparently a very small world.
About 2.5 years ago a good friend of mine was on Match.com. She was coming up from Richmond and stopped off in Smaller than my Smalltown, VA to have a drink with a guy she met online. She thought he was super nice, so she brought him the rest of the way to my house to go to the Tech game. It was supposed to be a girl's weekend, so I was a little irritated. They didn't really hit it off for a long term thing and quit communicating. No biggie. He did, however, spend the night in the spare bedroom at my house with us (this is relevant later!).
Flash forward 2.5 years....Guitar Hero and I connect. I'm telling my good friend about him and she says "OMG! You know who that is!". Sure enough, the more I tell her the more it matches up. My good friend is convinced that I should go out with him because she thinks he's really nice, and quite attractive. The problems are:
1. I was completely rude to him when I met him before. (at one point I said "could you please just stop talking?")
2. If I couldn't stand him then, am I going to be able to stand him now?
3. Is it weird to go out with someone your friend has gone out with? Even though nothing ever happened with them. Still....
I've got to say something to him, right? So, I e-mail him and he's completely aware of who I am. Okay, he must not remember me despising him. I'm going to meet him for a drink.
****Side note - the main reason this blog started is because of an e-mail I sent yesterday to my girlfriends who wanted to know how my date with Guitar Hero went. I sent them the following;
Well, he is nice and funny. We met at XXXXXX and stayed there until 9. Everyone left and I got the feeling they wanted to close, so we decided to head to XXXXXX. There were zero cars in the lot, so we headed on to my house for a few drinks. I thought he would be needing to leave soon b/c he had the drive back to Smaller than my Smalltown, VA. WRONG!
When we get to my house he pulls a guitar out of the back seat and heads to the door. (Yes, I did say he pulled out a guitar). We go inside, I make us each a drink and he proceeds to start playing the guitar. Not really my thing, so I said "hey, let's play name that tune" thinking it would be a bit more exciting. It was fun for a while. Then we talked about other stuff.
I don't know. I don't like the way he dresses, and he sure does talk a lot. I mean A LOT! He didn't ask a single question about me :( Anyway, he's coming in for (a bachelor and bachelorette auction for a local charity...great fun!) because I'm not messing around here with these guys anymore. I'm going to expose them to my friends, get feedback and then go from there.
So, he leaves my house and texts me. He had a great time. Blah, blah, blah. THEN...he texts "I think I will even let you kiss me this weekend". Gross. Tacky. Inappropriate. Then, he texts me "Get my room ready". Is he serious? That I am going to let him stay at my house? I know he has before when (my good friend) brought him to that stupid football game, but I wasn't happy about it then and I'm not happy about it now. So, I'm going to e-mail him and tell him that I think he is nice, and he is welcome to come in for (bachelor/bachelorette auction). However, I'm going to tell him that I'm a bit old-fashioned and I don't really think it's appropriate for him to stay at my house. I realize he has a 1.5 hour drive home, and if that is a problem then perhaps we can get together another time. I am not having a stranger stay in my house!!!! Too much, too soon. What is wrong with these guys I keep going out with. Or.....is something wrong with me?
So there it is folks. I'm taking him to an event. Yes, even after all of that creepy stuff. I did e-mail him and tell him my thoughts. He replied with the following:
T!!! No problem!!! I am still planning on 7:30 at your house, right? We can go, have a blast, and then if I am too tired to go home, I will grab a room. If not, I will drive back. It's that simple! I know you are secretly wanting me to stay there and are just using this as a cover, but the answer is NO!!! I am not staying there for quite a while I am afraid and you will have to get used to it!!! Sometimes, I just kill myself. Going to play tennis, call you after!!! Guitar Hero
He's a weirdo, right? Now he's going to call me tonight and I don't even want to talk to him. Was he trying to be funny with his response? That he assumes there we will continue to see each other for "a while" and there will be time for sleepovers later? Can't he even fathom that I won't like him? Isn't that possible? Icky! I don't like it. Why then can't I just tell him I've changed my mind and I'm not interested? I'll tell you why, because everyone has convinced me that I'm too judgemental and I need to give people a chance. Really? Do you think so? Ughh!
If tomorrow night is a bust I'm ditching the 3-strike theory and settling on 1-strike. Seriously.
Father Abraham knows about the trip, and he says we will most definitely get together when I return. I say okay. In the mean time, however, I've met someone new on Match.com. He's called Guitar Hero and you really can't wait to hear about him. Really, you can't! But you will have to because FIRST...I GO TO LONDON!!!!
London is great. That's a different story for a different blog, but it does become relevant when I meet THE EARL. Kat and I are on a day trip to Greenwich when we come across him. Well, actually he comes across us...but that's irrelevant. He's not particularly attractive. He's not dressed "smartly" per se, but somehow it works for him. I'm captivated. He has a British accent, but not the harsh kind of accent you hear in Oliver Twist or whatever. It's melodic. He's funny, and sarcastic and a bit of an ass and I think he's fabulous. Kat says "why T, I do believe he's taken with you". (She's so proper now that she's a Londoner dontcha know!).
Anyway, I flirt shamelessly and he shows us around town and tells us about his life and a friend of his joins the tour and then they ask Kat and I to dinner. The Earl proposes we try Indian food. Never had it. Not so sure I will like it. AND...leave it it Kat to say "you'd better ask T because she doesn't really like weird food very much". Seriously. What could I say. "Oh yes, Indian sounds lovely! Let's do that for sure. I'd love to try it." Thanks Kat :) Turns out I do like Indian food!
After dinner no one wanted the evening to end so we went to play pool for a bit, and then we did have to leave. It was hard. I didn't want to. I wanted to listen to him talk about his life and his world and everything else forever. He asked when I was coming back to England, and I said "who knows". Alas....
The point is...I still haven't stopped thinking about the Earl. He is the type of guy I want to find. He is the type of guy I'm meant to be with. Perhaps those types of men aren't bred in America? Perhaps I need to move to England? I don't know. What I do know is that I did not think about Father Abraham one single time while I was in London. Goodbye Father Abraham.
My next prospect is a little bit older than me (okay, he was 12 years older than me), but seems like a great match. He shall be called Father Abraham for two reasons:
1. He is significantly older than me
2. He has 3 children
Anyway, we decide to meet for a drink on a Thursday night at a local restaurant. He has just come from a play put on by his children at their school. That's nice. I like a man who is sure to attend his children's plays :)
We talk for a few hours and he seems nice. Nothing really jumps out as "wonderful", but he's successful, okay attractive, kind. Sounds good to me! He has his children over the weekend, but we decide to get together for lunch the next week.
Lunch goes well. Again, nothing spectacular to report. But hey...nothing bad either! He introduces me to a restaurant I haven't been to before, which is always fun. (It also happens to be two doors down from the Mexican place where I had lunch with Romeo. Yikes!) After lunch we talked about how we would like to have drinks again sometime soon. Christmas is coming and we will both be busy, but we plan to get together right after the holidays.
Christmas comes. Christmas goes. Father Abraham calls to set up a date. We decide he will pick me up (yes people...he has made it to date 3 and I'm saying "come on over fella"! see where I live and pick me up. I'm getting brave.)
****Side note...I know a guy who works with Father Abraham and got the 411 on him. He's completely harmless, a good guy, great reputation in the community and so on. So, not letting a total stranger come over to pick me up.
Well, Father Abraham has purchased a dog for his 3 children for Christmas. It appears that said dog has injured herself over his lunch break and he now has to take her to the vet. He calls and pushes the date back a bit. That's okay. I understand. He's got to take her to the vet. No problem. Just call me when you are free. So, he does. It's a bit late, and he wants to go to this pub down the way. He picks me up and we go.
****Side note...He shows up in jeans and an un-tucked oxford. No belt. Why this bothers me I don't know. I think it's probably because I DO CARE what I look like. Always. Especially when dating someone new. I take the utmost care to assure that my outfit is flattering, coordinated, pressed. I realize many men aren't into clothes like women are, but don't they realize first impressions are key? Even 3rd impressions are key! Don't pick me up looking like you just rolled out of bed for heaven's sake!
Conversation is okay. He's kindove funny. He's kindove attractive. That's really all I can say. I'm trying here, but I can't think of one single solitary other thing to say. Nothing bad there, but quite truthfully I really don't think I would care one way or another if I ever see Father Abraham again. I suspect that isn't how one is supposed to feel when they meet their future husband and go out with him 3 times? What do YOU think?
I come into the office the next day to a full inbox. All of the girls are so happy for me! I'm radiant. I have on a fabulous outfit and I'm really to meet my future husband for our first lunch :) My office-mate MK, who is also one of my best girlfriends, is so excited she can barely contain herself. She's engaged to be married, and like any good friend who has already found her man she's on the hunt to help me find mine.
Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III calls and is done with his interview around 11:00am. He's early!! I haven' t a clue what will be open. God love MK, because she is madly Googling "Smalltown, VA + downtown restaurants + open at 11:00am". She rushes into my office to tell me that a local favorite opens at 11:30. Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III and I decide that is a plan, and I will walk down from my office to meet him.
On my way out of the office MK is bouncing in her seat. She thinks she is more excited than I am. She's wrong, of course, but this gives me even more confidence that Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III is THE ONE. My girlfriends read his e-mail and saw his picture. We are all finally in agreement. I've found my man.
Walking down to meet him I'm strangely calm. I decide this is another good sign. I round the corner and there he is. He's about 4 blocks off, but I can see him. He's tall. Long black wool coat over his suit. Brown hair. Big smile. About 1 block away I slow my pace. This can't be him. What's wrong with his face? He doesn't look at all like the friendly guy in the picture. Well, the rest of him does, but not so much his face. Oh goodness. He yells out "T, is that you?". NO!!! THIS CAN'T BE HIM!! But alas, it is.
We sit down and order. He's not so much disfigured in the face or anything, there's just something that makes it hard to look at him...directly in the face anyway. What gives? He crosses his legs and I see the red socks. This is him alright. DAMN! Fooled again.
I decide to make the best of it, and he's actually just as funny and smart as he was in his e-mail. I really, really, really, really, really like his personality. Here's the problem though. I'm willing to overlook the fact that he's a bit tubby. That's usually something that turns me off, but for him...I was willing to say "I don't care!" But his face? How does one go about dating someone when they can't exactly look at them? It was bad people. B-A-D.
Lunch was over. I said I had to go. Said I had a great time. Blah, blah, blah. I walked back to the office with my head down as a single tear slid down my cheek. Well, okay, that's BS...but I was DEVASTATED. Truly. I did want to cry. I came back to work and went directly to MK's office. She said "oh no! what's wrong?" I told her. She consoled me. It was awful. I refused to log onto Match.com for a while. My heart hurt. I fell in love with an e-mail, and the man behind it was wonderful. I just couldn't stand to look at him. Life isn't fair sometimes. Goodbye Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III.
(I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but believe me...I was crushed. Keep reading though. It does get better. I promise!)
Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III e-mails me the following:
What to say...that's always a tough one. But, I noticed you put emphasis on the fact that you are a Gemini; I'm an Aries! Does that mean we are destined or doomed? I love astrology and check my horoscope on Yahoo almost every day. It's fun but I'm a man of science, as they say, and don't truly believe in it, but it's always fun to see how people match up with me, stars-wise.
Anyway, according to Match, we are bound to succeed ... we are 97% compatible! Wow! I'm sure it's a given that we will get married at a ceremony officiated by the match.com CEO and appear on one of those cheezy ads. Or is that chemistry.com? I don't know...I only watch a bit of TV every now and again. Otherwise, I'm just your average law student - overworked, too much stress, not enough time to go out; and therefore an online dater! Well, I'm an initiate of online dating anyway - I just signed up 2 days ago and haven't gotten out on a real date yet. 2 days of sending messages to those who "spark my interest" and nothing to show for it yet except a few replies. No actual dates. I guess that's fine, as taking things too fast is never a good idea.
Hmm, what else. I'm originally from NYC, so living in the country here in the sticks of Virginia is very refreshing. I left the city because I was so sick of the hurried pace, the rude people, and the crowds. So many people think I'm crazy for leaving, but those are mostly the ones who have not lived there for a length of time. No doubt, for a newcomer it must be fun for a while but I think that, for anybody, once the novelty of it wears off it's nauseating. Sure I miss the art museums, the Opera, the flamboyantly gay guys wearing the latest fashions while walking their shi-zus (however you spell it - those tiny dogs that Paris Hilton wears), the rock and roll, and the culture of it all...but now that I've matured I really value the countryside. It's better in a way that is hard for me to describe.
Also, I hate cats. I mean, really, really, irrationally hate them. I think it's because if they were bigger than humans, they would hunt us down and eat us. So if you have cats, that's really a deal-breaker, unless you don't mind me driving them 100 miles from home and dropping them off at some 50 year old, single cat-lady's house. OK well that cat tirade was a bit tongue in cheek ... but not too much.That's about all from me, I have a final paper due tomorrow on the intersection of law and religion - it's a total BS class but I still have to do the work, put in the time, etc. Then I have 2 more papers due and 2 final exams so the next 2 weeks are going to be stressful - which means a great time to blow off some steam by going on a low-key date!
We're all adults here, so there's no point beating around the bush, a date with you would most likely be fun! We're 97% compatible after all...If you really want to push it, I'm going to be in Smalltown, VA tomorrow for an interview at a law firm there, maybe we could get lunch? if you'd prefer to take it a bit more slow, my email is XXXXXXXXXXXX. My free subscription to match.com ends tomorrow and I'm not sure if I'm going to renew it. I'm not the kind of guy who has 300 girlfriends at once, so unless I don't find anyone I'm going to cut it off. I'm a starving student, after all...OK, ciao bella! Hope to hear from you soon.
-Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III
I'm in LOVE. This is what I'm looking for. Someone who is clever, witty, honest, strong. Point blank...someone who makes me laugh so hard I cry and Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III did just that! It's 10pm when I receive this e-mail. I hurriedly reply with something witty in return telling him I'd love to meet for lunch the next day, and I give him my cell number.
His pictures are okay. He's pretty tall (6'3" I think?), a bit of extra weight (I usually date bean poles) but I don't care and most importantly he really does have a kind face. Yay for me! I've found my husband.
***Side note - Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III has a trademark. A signature item of clothing that he won't be found without. I THINK THERE IS NOTHING SEXIER THAN A MAN WHO DOES THIS. It's my southern roots I suppose? Like my uncle carrying a cane with him always. You will not find the man without a cane. It's more for looks I believe, but it's always there. It's his trademark. Nathaniel Alexander Sinclair III's trademark is.......RED SOCKS! Isn't that the cutest ever? Suit, tux, khaki's and an oxford...doesn't matter. He is wearing red socks. Not like a tacky Valentine's Day red, but more of a deep royal red. Priceless!
(This blog entry is getting so long it's giving me a headache. I'm starting another one...)
The Cowboy arrives and I am so busy I don't even know he's there. He happens to know some friends of mine (unbeknownst to me), so he's chatting with them and one of my best girlfriends, Barbie, says "hey, there's someone here who wants to meet you!". Of course at this point I'm like "WHAT! I've got two other guys here and now there is a third!". Barbie just smirked and led me to the Cowboy. He's attractive, a bit taller than me and in full fledged cowboy attire....extra large belt buckle and all! (I love this! If you can't dress up for Halloween and act like an idiot once a year you are NOT for me)
I'm really busy, but the Cowboy and I get to talk a little bit. He's a wonderful purse and drink watcher, and I automatically trust him because Barbie has known him for years! The party is a huge success and I'm exhausted by the end of the night. The Cowboy and I decide to get together for a second "date" the next week.
The Cowboy calls, we chat, he's funny...all is going well. (he does have kids...like a few or something...AND...they live with him sometimes. not really what I'm looking for, but I'm not going to write him off) We decide to get together for dinner. I'm excited :)
The Cowboy definitely dresses 100x better than Romeo. He's a bit older, and perhaps with age comes some class. Who knows? We have a nice dinner (and in the Cowboy's defense...I was exhausted due to an incredibly stressful day...ie. this is the evening of my disastrous lunch date with Romeo. I don't suggest 2 dates in one day if possible. TOO MUCH!) and the conversation is pretty okay. He tells these really long stories that cause me to yawn, but whatever.
Dinner is over, he walks me to my car, I give him a hug, AND THEN.....he goes in for the kiss. I'm pinned up against my car and I know I must have had a look of horror on my face.
***Side note....This is a bone of contention among my friends. Is it appropriate for someone to try to kiss you on what is technically a first date? Some people like to be kissed right away. I, however, don't. I can't stand it. I don't know you yet. Where has your mouth been? Perhaps I should add this to my profile? What do YOU think?
The Cowboy and I say we will get together again soon, but we don't. I guess he realized I wasn't his type of girl. I'm very okay with that. I hate having to let people down. It's much easier when they make that decision. Goodbye Cowboy. I do wish you the best of luck in your pursuits. You really were a nice guy. I'm not holding any grudges. (If, however, I ever see Romeo again I will duck under the nearest car and hide there until he is out of range.)
Romeo orders his food, pays at the counter and then looks at me. Eeeeekkkkksssssss! I guess I should tell you that I'm old fashioned. In every way. I think women should work and get paid what men do and all that, but when it comes to dating try to court me just a little bit okay? It's not asking much. We don't have to go to the Four Seasons. Just wine and dine me for a few weeks and then when we decide to be a couple I'm happy to treat you sometimes too! I will cook for you and even iron your shirt if you have trouble with that. Just let me feel like a princess for a little while. You know?
Romeo then proceeds to start talking about how his ex-wife cheated on him with their next door neighbor. She is still with him, and there is a huge neighborhood battle taking place about the whole thing. (everyone sides with him of course!) On and on and on. I wanted to slit my wrist before my enchilada even arrived.
I decided this was strike 3 for Romeo. I'd tried. Really, I had. I couldn't wait to get away! Then again, I was hungry and wanted that enchilada. So...I suffered through whatever it was that he continued to talk about. Here's the thing. I wasn't even listening. It had to be obvious. Why wouldn't he write me off? He wasn't unattractive. Couldn't he find someone else?
After lunch he INSISTS on walking me back to my office. Ugghh! The entire time saying things like this:
"Your schedule is too busy. When are WE going to spend time together?"
"Why don't you take some time off and we can take a trip?"
"Let's snuggle on the couch and watch movies one night this week?"
OMFG! IS THIS GUY FOR REAL? Yes, my friends...Romeo is for real. Over the next week or so he continues to call me and leave me voice mails getting angry that I'm not calling him back. I blocked his number. Goodbye Romeo.
1. Drive 45 minutes to his house at the lake and go out on his boat with his friends. (seriously? we haven't even met yet!)
2. Drive 45 minutes to his house at the lake and go to a chili cook off with his friends. (see above)
3. Drive 45 minutes to his house at the lake and go 4-wheeling. (not gonna happen)
Romeo finally decided to show up at a Halloween Party I'm helping to host at a downtown club on Halloween night. He knows I'm "working" that night and don't have a bunch of time. So, he proceeds to text me non-stop asking "where are you?", "what are you wearing?", "why are you ignoring me?". I should have quit returning his calls at this point, but I was really trying to give him 3 strikes. This, obviously, was strike 1.
I'm rather picky about people I date. I require the following:
1. You be somewhat attractive. At least not offensive to look at.
2. You have a job.
3. You aren't covered in tattoos or piercings.
4. You have all of your teeth.
5. You aren't married or "currently separated".
6. You are taller than me.
I'm 5'9". I know that isn't short, but seriously...am I that tall (HAM I know you feel me on this one:)? Date #1 (we'll call him Romeo) was 5'7". I made and exception because he looked really cute in his pictures and I thought "hey, I can sacrifice wearing heels for the love of my life".
We talked on the phone once and he expressed his displeasure at my rather busy schedule. I told him we could meet for drinks on election night between my volunteering at the poles until 7pm and my watching the election results at an after party. He agreed. We went to a sushi/martini bar and I was pretty impressed with him. Attractive, educated, well spoken. He was sitting down so I didn't notice the height thing.
Fast forward to 9:30....2 hours for a first date is fine I think. I thank Romeo and tell him I've got to go. "Why can't we order a pizza, go to your house and watch the election together?" he wants to know. WHAT?!?!?! Is he serious? Come to my house? So I politely replied "Romeo, you could be Ted Bundy for all I know. I don't think I want to invite you to my house at this point. Sorry." Perhaps not the most courteous response, but I was insulted. Ick!
***Side note....my friends (any my mother) tell me I'm hypercritical of men and that I expect them to be perfect. They say I need to give every guy 3 chances before I write him off. I think they are nuts!
Romeo asks if we can get together again soon and I say fine. Give me a call. Why do I listen to my friends and my mother?
Next, you look at their profile. I eliminated 95% of them because they were missing teeth and wearing John Deer hats while riding a tractor. (Remember I live in Smalltown, VA) Of the 10 I had left I gave their profiles a thorough looking over. If they had 5 kids that lived at home I eliminated them. If they were "currently separated"......goodbye! I was left with about 4 possible matches.
At this point you start e-mailing and learning a bit about each other. This is really hard because you don't have a clue what to say. "Hi, what's your favorite color? Have you lived here long? What do you like to do for fun?" Super awkward. For example, I received this e-mail today:
"HI there I'm XXXXX,I'm 41. I'm divorced with 2 wonderful children. I live and I'm career based out of Smalltown, VA. I consider myself stable and prioritized. I'm vested 20 yrs with the same employer. I own my own home . I enjoy the arts . I hated to see Smalltown, VA Theater shut down. I love coffee shops . I enjoy working out at the gym on a regular basis and I love the beach!"
What do I do with this? What do I say? (I actually won't be saying anything because he's terribly unattractive, but whatever). You get my point.