Friday, August 27, 2010

I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED.

Pretty simple words actually.

So why do I have such a hard time delivering them?  Well, it's not really that I have trouble delivering them...it's more like people have trouble hearing them?  Or maybe not hearing them, but understanding the meaning of these words?  Understanding that this pretty much = 'GO AWAY'.

And here's a question...when you text someone constantly for 3 days and they never respond, is there not a point when you realize that perhaps this means something?  That perhaps they are not texting because they do not want to talk with you?  Hmmmm....

This whole situation is reminiscent of my old Match.com days.  Remember those?  The days when I was always stressed, and I felt like I was "breaking up with" 2 people per week.  I was totally perplexed at the concept that someone could become so attached after one date.  So attached that sometimes a crow bar is needed to un-attach them.  Them AND their guitar on occasion :-o

I really hope this post doesn't sound arrogant or hateful.  Because it isn't meant to.  I'm seriously just beside myself with confusion.  I mean, I'm pretty great and all, but I'm not THAT great.  I am not some girl who should have men falling head over heels for her at first meeting.  So what gives? 

Here, let me fill you in....

Nice enough guy.  Met for drinks.  Lots in common.  He's pretty OK looking.  I stay longer than expected because I'm actually having fun.  Over the next few days he sends more texts than I received during the duration of my entire last relationship.  And that's saying a lot.  And it hasn't stopped.  And I stopped replying. 

So, I decide that because he is a nice guy I need to just tell him that I'm not interested.  And why.  And there are other reasons beside the Stage 5 clinger issue.  Trust me.  He asks me out again.  I go.  I tell him my thoughts.  He tells me I am wrong.  WHAT?!?!  Wrong that I am not interested?  Wrong that I don't want to date him? 

I follow-up with "technically I've really only been completely done with my last relationship for about 2 months, and I DO NOT want to jump right in to another one".  That is supposed to mean "slow your roll buddy.  i'm not on board at the moment." 

Incorrect.

What that apparently means is "please continue to text message me 50 times per day, even when I do not respond for days at a time".  And now I'm stuck in this situation because I have invited him to The White Party.  I was under the influence, and it was before all of this nonsense really started.  I was being nice.  I thought we could be friends.  Clearly I need to find a faux beau STAT!  Grrrr....

There are two others that I'm having trouble shaking too.  Nothing along the lines of this guy, but still.  Annoying.  And it's making me want to close up shop.  It's making me want to quit saying yes when people ask me out.  It's making me want to stop checking my INBOX on Facebook, because apparently a recent press release just announced the fact that I am single? 

So there is one more contender at the moment.  He's still in the game.  Probably because I've not met him yet :)  He's a doctor.  He is sending a friend out to meet me for what I have termed the "pre-screening".  Yes, you heard me correctly.  He wants me to meet this other person first, so that she can give him the low down on me.  Her feedback, if you will.  I'm not at all sure how I feel about this.  But then...perhaps he has the right idea?  Perhaps I could talk someone into pre-screening for me? Hmmm...I think I may be on to something.
Anyway, I'm going to meet this "friend" of his tonight.  I'm thinking that wearing an uber short, tight dress with hooker heels and fish nets may be in order?  I'm going to be sure to tuck a pack of Marlboro Reds in my bra for easy access, and I'll chew gum.  Of course. 

Oh Lord.  Watch him end up being Mr. Seersucker.

I had better behave myself.

Have you ever found yourself trying to shake someone loose, and they just won't "get it"?  If so, how did you finally loose them?  Is there a way to have success without being a total B?  Because I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I don't want to be mean.  Or blunt.  But I'm beginning to think that may be the only way?

Advice please,

T

10 comments:

sweethomeamy said...

HAHAHAHA! Girl, I hear you loud and clear. I'm dealing with the same exact nonsense!

I had a date with a guy from eHarmony (ugh), and he was a clingy fast mover too. Freaked me out. I'm not really sure how I got him to stop calling/texting/emailing. He must have found new prey because I was preparing new excuses left and right.

And the Facebook thing is god-awful annoying. Same thing happened to me...I swear there should be a status called "Not Interested"!

Here's hugs to you!! Email me anytime you want to chat about stupid boys! xoxo

dana said...

Hey, at least you got something the boys are liking!

Before meeting my prince charming, my m.o. for the ones I wasn't interested in was avoidance. Usually they got the hint.

Good luck with the dr. and I hope he is a keeper!!

Ann said...

I've never even come close to having your problem. Married at 20 to the high school sweetheart for 21 years, divorced, dated 2 guys, married one. I guess my mother didn't teach me how to shop around too good...lol

Kassie said...

I had this problem with a guy I went out with last year!! I don't even remember if we ever even went on a proper date, just hung out a few times. But I guess in his mind that translated to True Love. He kind of creeped me out, but luckily right when I stopped answering his texts I went on a trip for about 6 weeks--and didn't tell him I was leaving. Mean, yes, but I thought he would get the hint. Thought. He sure didn't!! He actually called/emailed/texted friends of mine to ask when I was coming back, if I was mentioning him, etc. This was all during when I wouldn't answer any of his calls or texts. I felt awful, but he just didn't GET it!! When I got back he actually even came to see me, I'm not sure what he was thinking. I had to be super blunt, and I'm sure I seemed mean, but what other choice did I have???

Good luck with the doctor. Not so sure how I feel about the whole screening-process thing, but maybe it's something we should try ourselves? :)

flip flops on lex said...

If you have already told him you aren't interested and that it is not going to work out then ignoring him is your next step. If he becomes scary stalker then changing your numbers and emails is the next step after that but I only really say that last bit in jest.

The thing about this guy is you probably would like him well enough if he didn't become so clingy right away. There is something incredibly off-putting and not masculine (yes, I said it) about that so I don't blame you at all.

I how it is always the crux of dating that the ones we don't really like pursue us the way we want to be pursued by the ones we do like. Though the catch in that is that even if a guy had EVERYTHING I wanted, if he was too much too soon, I would sour on him almost instantly no matter how gorgeous, successful, interesting, etc. he was.

Best of luck with the doc! Not sure how I feel about the pre-date thing either. I'd be kind of pissed but my take on men is becoming more and more jaded with each date. Ha!

Do keep us updated!

Dee Stephens said...

I've been here a ton of times. Sounds mean but text him and say 'lose my number..end of story'. Maybe you'll see him out but who cares. He needs to learn to take a hint.
Sorry..harsh, I know :(

MCW said...

I had this, but it was a guy who was a friend of a friend so I couldn't just be like "f-off" I just ignored...even though I still get FB message from him - a year later!!!

Carole said...

I'm not sure why the fellows in whom we're not interested seem to pursue us so aggressively. I did have to tell one fellow, "Please do not take my kindness for being interested in you."

I think that the Text Demon is relying on your good nature and upbringing and hopes that he will wear you down. If he asks you out again, say "no." There is no reason to provide an excuse. "No" is enough. And if he doesn't get it, block his number. Or delete his texts/calls w/out reviewing them.

RE the doc, it IS odd that he has asked a friend to pre-screen you. After all, he survived the rigors of med school so he should have the courage to meet for lunch or for a drink. Let hime do his own screen as you with him.

If you do choose to wear the outfit and chew gum, don't forget to snap the gum. It adds that bit of je ne sais quoi. ;-)

we hate you. love, us said...

oh...my...goodness. The texting HAS to stop. You would think that your not responding would be enough. I have the hardest time saying "I'm not interested". I'm so afraid of hurting someone's feelings, but then I have to remind myself that I have feelings too and I need to do what's best for me. Of course, in your case it seems like he really can't take a hint. Sigh...good luck!!!

Tiffany and the Munchkins said...

Oh honey, I'm sorry you are having to deal with such nonsense. I have no advice to offer, since ya know, I met my husband when I was 13 (and no, I'm not kidding). Reading your post makes me feel very fortunate to have avoided all of the dating drama! :) I wish I had some advice to offer though. :( I think sometimes being a "B" becomes necessary but I am 100% confident that you will figure it out and handle it fabulously.