Friday, December 2, 2011

Let's Discuss....

Did someone really write in to ask this?  Seriously? 

Bless their little heart.....

(click on image to read article)

I was recently "called out" by someone for my not inviting them to a get together.  But this certain someone is famous for not RSVPing.  In my opinion, if you can't bother to let me know if I should purchase cocktails and food for you, then I can't bother to invite you.  I am OCD people.  I NEED to know who is coming to my house.  (Last minute emergencies aside, of course!)

So when this little gem showed up on Facebook today, I couldn't help but re-post.  Quite a spark of conversation has started over Miss Manners article of the day, and I've found myself pondering a few of the questions that have been posed:

Should "maybe" be deleted from the list of RSVP options?

Must one reply to a Facebook "invite" when it's obvious everyone the invitor is friends with has been invited?  It certainly isn't a "personal" invitation.  Is it rude to ignore?

Is it "tacky" to follow-up with people who have missed the RSVP date, and neither confirmed nor denied their attendance?

What do YOU think?



Dee Stephens said...

I think it's rude not to RSVP either. I think you feel as strong about this as I do about people backing into parking spots.
Don't get me started on that!!

Anonymous said...

One of my biggest pet peeves! I always RSVP - maybe it's more for my sanity, but still...It is so hard to plan for guests when you're not sure who's coming. I always assume certain people are coming, certain people are not, but that's not always accurate. It would be nice to know before they show up! Ha...sorry, just went off a little. :) I always follow-up with people if they haven't RSVP'ed - it kind of calls them out while still being polite :)

Jenny DB said...

Facebook invites are tricky! I am having my birthday party tomorrow and I am supposed to tell the bar how many people are coming, but out of the 50 people (max) I invited only 20 have RSVPd. From the "not responded" column about 15 or so have told me they're coming but not updated on FB. This would be really annoying if I had more people that i wanted to invite but couldn't until people said NO.. but as it turns out, I do not have ore people that i want to invite. So i wont complain haha. I do find it frustrating though not knowing who is actually going to come. but that's maybe just cuz i'm so excited haha

Ann said...

what always annoys me is someone who doesn't rsvp but shows up anyway. I can understand forgetting to mail it, I've done that but then I didn't go.

Caroline said...

I cannot stand the "maybe" option on Facebook. One of my biggest pet peeves are people who cannot commit to an invitation "oh I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, i'll let you know" makes me so angry I could scream. Maybe it's just their way of saying no without being mean, but I would much prefer a solid yes or no. Always RSVP, Facebook events should be banned, and sic Louis on those who don't respond :)

Leslie said...

One should always RSVP, period.

The "maybe" option should die, but then again I am not a fan of Facebook invitations. They're impersonal, and that doesn't work for me.

As for following up with people who haven't responded: no, its not tacky. What's tacky is their lack of courtesy. I would call and say that you're following up on your invitation. I generally do this politely but pointedly: "I need a firm number so I have enough (food, drinks, whatever) for everyone without being wasteful and overbuying." MOST people are appropriately abashed at this point, and they say yes or no and hopefully learn a lesson for the future. If someone prevaricates about whether they will be there or not (unless it's for a really good reason, under extenuating circumstances) I will usually let them off the hook (or drop them off the hook!) by saying, "It sounds like Saturday isn't a good time for you. We'll miss you but will just see you next time." The underlying message is that if they can't commit, they aren't welcome.

You don't owe them an open-ended invitation. You're extending hospitality and are entirely within your rights to expect some reasonable civility to be followed.

As for the person that "called you out" I'm curious to know how you handled it. I have reached the point where I am so fed up with people not respecting invitations that I would have said, "You weren't invited because whenever I invite you to events, you never give me the courtesy of a reply. Sometimes you show up, other times you don't, and you never give me warning either way. I love to entertain and am happy to do so, but it makes it a lot more stressful for me when people don't respond and I have no idea how many people to expect."

Yes, I'm a bit testy on this subject, and I don't apologize for it one bit. Good manners are all but dead on this (and many other subjects) and I just refuse to roll over and give up!

Leslie said...

@Ann, I am always flabbergasted by folks who doesn't rsvp and show up anyway. It's just so selfish.

I was recently at an event where the hostess (who is older and as genteel a lady as I've ever met) greeted someone who hadn't respond with what I can only describe as "surprised graciousness." She said, "Oh my! What are you doing here?" with a smile on her face. When the person replied, "Well, you invited me..." she smiled and said, "But you never responded to say whether you were coming or not, so we hadn't planned on you." (In this case it was a buffet, so it wasn't too much of an imposition, but imagine it was a seated dinner party?) The clueless boor then said, "Oh, well I didn't think it was a big deal." The hostess said, "Manners are always a big deal. Please, help yourself to a drink" and she floated away to resume her conversation with someone else. It was PRICELESS! She wasn't malicious, she didn't call him out in front of everyone there - I just happened to be 2 feet away and heard the whole thing. I guarantee he will never ignore another request for an RSVP!

Life Through Preppy Glasses said...

its such a tricky situation. I cant stand when people dont RSPV but I feel like the reason they dont is because they do not want to make the commitment of actually going so thats why having maybe as an option is good. However, having maybe as an option doesn't help whoever is hosting the party

Jess said...

My friend had this problem with her wedding this summer. It was ridiculous! So many people were not RSVPing, so she had no idea what to tell the venue about her numbers. AND THEN (this totally floored me!) she had a ton of people RSVP yes and then just simply not show up. So, she put out the money for these people to eat and they just didn't bother making an appearance. I felt very annoyed on her behalf.

Kate said...

I don't understand why people can't RSVP to evites/facebook events. It doesn't take ANY time! And when the RSVP is already stamped/addressed-not hard to drop it in the mail!