Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Inbox....Take 2!

Hello again! On to the next one..
Match #3
He's trying to be sneaky, but I think he's a doctor. He's in the medical field. He loves what he does. He helps people. He has a graduate degree. He says he won't tell us what he does just yet. Why is that? I've noticed that doctors don't want to come right out and say it on Match.com. Do they think that everyone wants to marry a doctor? Let me tell you...I know too many women who are married to doctors and they are never around! Always on call. Well then, perhaps that is why they don't fess up on here. Perhaps THEY know that I know that if we get married I will be a hospital widow much of the time? Sorry, I digress.

Back to Match #3.

His stats:
He's something medical. (shhh...he's a doctor. don't tell). He's only 5'10", but I let the other guy slide so I'll have to let this one do it too. Hmph. He does, however, wear glasses which I adore :) He's tubby. Really, he is. He admits it. That's okay. I've gained 15lbs in the past 6 months so I should probably check tubby on mine too.

OH LOOK! He's e-mailed, and it's rather clever. Well, well....he just might have to go in my yes pile. Let's read his note....gather round:

"Does Gingham Count?

Hey there. It's nice to see a woman with a college degree who actually admits to being conservative on match.com. I really do aspire to the whole Matlock look. However, even after living in the south for several years, I just wouldn't feel right wearing a seersucker suit then telling someone I'm from Ohio. Being a yankee carpet bagger, and as it's the best I can muster right now...does gingham count?

Happy weekend! "

Oh my. I sure do think he sounds fun. Let me take you back a few years. I was meeting some guy, and he knew of my affinity for seersucker. He e-mails me that day to say that he will see me at such and such time and will be wearing a blue & white seersucker shirt. How cute, right? WRONG. He shows up in a blue & white gingham shirt. Don't get me wrong here friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gingham. The problem was that he didn't know the difference! Here's the thing. I'm southern. As in South Carolina and below. We all know our seersucker. If you are from the north and don't know seersucker, that's okay. Just ask. We'll tell you all about it :) However, NEVER confuse it with another fabric. That's disrespectful.

Okay, I'm sold. I can't just wink because he e-mailed, so I'm going to have to come back to him after I tell you about my other matches. We will e-mail him something clever in a bit. Pinky swear!

P.S. We shall call him Dr. Who since he wants to be all undercover and such.

Match #4
No need to describe this guy. It would never work. He is the twin of this man that I work with. Identical twin. Said guy at work is really nice, but in an "eekkss, don't come to close" kind of way. Nope. Can't do it. He also posted the following for his bio:

"Friends have been bugging me to do this for a while so I thought I would give it a try - nothing to lose right? I don't have a picture posted because I choose not to but can send one. The ideal woman must be well motivated in the things they do. I am a big fan of long weekends to the coast or to the mountains. Let me know if you would like to know more."

Seriously? Are you so silly that you have to blame it on your friends at this point? Also, I hate to tell you....but have a picture posted. In fact, you have 3 posted. Update your bio or take the pictures down.

Goodbye Match #4. You don't get a name or a picture. Sorry.

Match #5
Hmmmm...he's 13 years older than me. I tried 12 years older with Father Abraham, and I fell asleep in my soup at dinner. I know, I know....you can't rule someone out just because of that. Here's the other thing. He's 5'9". That's my height. Bye bye high heels :( He is divorced and has 2 children who do not live with him. He shall be called Marley & Me because that is his favorite book. Is that weird? I haven't seen the movie OR read the book so I haven't a clue what it is about. I will say, however, that if he even slightly resembled Owen Wilson he would get a wink, an e-mail and I would pay for dinner :)

Uh oh. I think Match #5 may have some issues. Lookie, lookie:

"I am looking for someone that is HONEST to a fault. I have dated some very nice women, but there always seems to be an issue with being totally 100% HONEST about their situation and what they are looking for. I divorced because that didn't happen in my marriage. I hope its important to all those I date...because it sure is to me."

I'm honest. Sometimes a fib a little bit, but only to be nice. Or, because I purchased a fabulous outfit that I'm pretty sure you would yell at me about so I shove it in the back of the closet and hope you don't notice when I wear it. Other than that...I'm honest :)

Well, well...another e-mail. Let's read it:

"Very much enjoyed reading your profile an thought I would send a quick email.....If you want to check out my profile and see if there is anything in common we share great....I coached college soccer for 17 years an you seem to be the outgoing kind of girl that appreciates the athletic side of things.....anyway...thanks for reading.."

Hmmm...yea....no. I don't really like athletic things. I hate athletic things. Okay, that isn't true. I like to play tennis, and I FORCE myself to run when it's warm out. I certainly don't like it. I just have to do it or I gain 15 lbs (see previous notation on weight gain).

On the other hand, I LIKE: nice dinners, movies, books, travel, shopping, manis, pedis, massages, reflexology. You get the point. Anything that requires me to exert as little energy as possible thank you very much.

I can't explain it. I just don't like him. I don't want to go out with him. Goodbye match #5.

Okay, I'm tired of this post. It's long. Let's start another, shall we?



ms. mindless said...

i vote for match #3!

Melia said...

#3 does sound cute!!

Poor Mr Gingham. So close yet so far away. Wonder what he is up to? I bet he is excited for spring so he can break out the 'seersucker'.

DSS said...

i haven't a clue what happened to the poor soul. you guys were the ones who kept running into him :)

An American Girl in London said...

anyone who capitalizes HONEST in their profiles = baggage...this usually means they were cheated on in the past...good vetos!